Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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