Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
