You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
