I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I party with great urgency now.
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