I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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