I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
