nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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