Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
