I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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