Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
