And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
