You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
