Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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