Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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