at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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