its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
