I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
