Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
