This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
