the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
