Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
