hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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