Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
