It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
