we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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