I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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