I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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