Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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