My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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