how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just made my gag reflex go away.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
