fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
