The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
