I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
