these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
