Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
