Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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