I wish I could teleport
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
