we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
