I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
