remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
