I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
