If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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