It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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