It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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