He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
