My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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