If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she told me i tasted like america
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
