dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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