I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
