This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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