you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize