I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize