So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
