the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
