Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
