I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
