apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
