You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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