I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
