We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
