Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Girls should come with a carfax report
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
