he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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