I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
