Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
