Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just gift wrapped bread.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
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