You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
