I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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