I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
