I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
